My meditation and self-awareness practices have given me insight into two recurring questions. Why does this situation bother me? Why do I bother with this situation?
As circumstances bother me, emotional distress arises. There are moments where I become aware of my thoughts, streaming by at a rapid pace. Runaway thoughts take over. One thought of the recent past, triggers memories of a distant past.
The Past Repeats Itself
I catch myself in a reverie of an experience that bothered me years ago. That event from the past has been held with such a strong negative emotion that it has become easy for me to keep re-experiencing it through the most recent episode.
Even though the worst didn’t happen, I experience anxiety about ‘what if’. Something bad did happen that one time. It was a near miss for something even worse. And those thoughts make me start to wonder if something worse might happen in the future. What could I do instead, or should do, in anticipation.
Back and forth my mind jumps.
The mind escalates and awfulizes.
Then I remember to breathe and relax.
With each breath, I bring myself back to the present moment. I regain perspective. I ask myself to identify what I am experiencing in the current moment. It’s not the past.
Why Do I Bother With This?
I reality check to ask what is actually happening, right now. Instead of using my mind to answer this question, I focus on the body. I extend my senses outward, noting smells, textures, sights. Reminding myself that sensory experiences within the body are happening now.
The mind is caught up by questions of why? Why bother? Why does this bother me?
Why do I let this take me off track from what I really wanted to be doing?
I could choose peace instead of this
I want to mindfully decide if this current situation is something important for me to pay attention to. There are two aspects. The situation that triggered the festering. And the festering itself.
Considering the current situation - what action is appropriate. If it is important, I will say or do something to address it. Other times, I may decide that it is not important, and I let it go.
Choose Peace Instead
With the festering itself, my response to the inner turmoil of rumination, awfulizing, the runaway mind, is to tell myself – I could choose peace instead of this.
And I breathe, and let it go.
I choose peace :)